"What one loves in childhood remains in the heart forever" (Jean-Jacques Rousseau)
One of the healing path's most essential objectives is the "return to our home, to our childhood." We are not talking about the figurative sense of returning to our home, as if it were a walk, but to our inner child.
There are two reasons why, on many occasions, the past traps us, and we block or forget memories of moments that disrupted our existence, our strength, and our ability to understand what affects us and why and, even more, how to move forward with those emotions on our backs. The reasons are that we unconsciously block memories of pain for our survival and cling to old beliefs that, at the time, helped us move forward even if we have not solved the problem or have not recovered from the trauma.
When we suffer a trauma or a painful situation, we face uncertainty, loneliness, and pain that we cannot quickly transform. There is a disconnection between who we are and the inner world (and, consequently, the outer world). We lose the ability to act and cannot find an outlet for our feelings and thoughts. We find ourselves isolated and dissatisfied with ourselves. If these memories belong to childhood, our inner child could be hurt. The hurt child incorporates the pain with his ability to understand it at the time, without more excellent emotional resources that allow him to find a solution or see these experiences differently. The problem lies in the adult, who, upon learning the resources to cope with pain, uncertainty, and humiliation, suddenly faces a situation that, consciously or unconsciously, reminds him of that event experienced in the past. There, time seems to have stopped, or, better said, it appears that the past lives with us in the present. The person then finds himself with an image of himself just as a child: he feels incapable, alone, isolated, and confused. Thus, we see how many times we react to certain eventualities or people with childish attitudes that, if analyzed correctly, do not correspond to the reactions that an adult could have. Thus, we say that our inner child is hurt. The author of the book "Coming Home: Reclaiming and Vindicating the Inner Child" [John Bradshaw] tells us that "the inner child of the past, abandoned and wounded, is the main source of human misery." In addition, he invites us to reflect on specific behaviors that indicate a wounded inner child that needs to be seen, heard, and understood. Some of these behaviors that he mentions are codependency, narcissism, offenses, trust issues, extroverted and introverted attitudes, lack of discipline, addiction and compulsion, mental distortions, apathy, and depression. Each situation requires special attention, but when we talk about the inner child, we must remember that the beliefs we handled when we were children belonged to our parents or the people responsible for us and not precisely to ourselves.
Beliefs are the way our brain makes sense of what happens around us. They are mental representations of how the environment should be. These mental representations are like shortcuts for the brain and help process information more efficiently and energy-savingly. Understanding that the brain prefers familiar patterns to unfamiliar ones is essential. The meaning is that the patterns we have already learned and incorporated will cause our brains to consume less energy. Learning new patterns is a process that requires time and effort. It is much more complex than it seems, but it is one of the reasons why it is so difficult to change beliefs. We first learn from our parents; for children, believing in their parents is essential to survival.
When working with your inner child, you must know that you need to start changing those beliefs and rules you learned when you were little. You must show that child the power and strength you have to confront your parents or someone who hurt you or simply to understand the problem from another perspective. Author John Bradshaw also mentions in his book two techniques that I consider very simple and very effective when working on your inner child: one of them is to make a list of ten things that you have or wanted to have when you were a child. This technique can give you the power you need in your adult life to "show your child" that they are safe with you and to face life with more security and confidence, whatever the circumstances that come into your life.
Another technique the author mentions is to write a letter to your child asking for forgiveness for not being able to face the problem differently and explaining why you should be able to.
We use this exercise with regressive hypnosis to childhood: We offer your inner child resources that you have already learned to help you see the painful experience differently, even to provide another childhood if the one you had was harrowing. I also usually give my clients writing exercises to work on recovering that power and strength as adults and thus heal the child's wounds from the past.
We use different techniques to recover the inner child and heal the wounds of the past. Regressive hypnosis can help you to unblock those emotions rooted in past experiences and also to work on a new perspective of what you lived through, and that was very painful.
Once you have worked on your inner child, you will see how, when you least expect it and most need it, they will hug you and tell you everything will be okay. You will talk to them and tell them everything you have learned. When you find and heal your child, you will see how your consciousness transforms: it is like "coming home."
Author: Estefanía Cultrera-Elfring
Bibliography:
- JOHN BRADSHAW; "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing the Inner Child"; 1990.
- RALPH LEWIS, M.D.; "What Is a Belief? And Why Is It So Hard to Change?"; Psychology Today; October 7, 2018.
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