Healing the past means letting go and grieving what has been recorded in our memory, which seems timeless. When what affected us and what we have not yet been able to heal comes back into our lives, this occurs in various ways: in relationships, the physical body, and mental health. Each stage in our development and life will require specific needs. If this does not happen, the child will look for a way to satisfy them in the only way he knows how, which will probably cause him to follow those same patterns later, as an adult, when faced with a problematic or traumatic situation.
During childhood, a child needs to meet its needs to move on to the next stage. The child who did not meet his needs may become trapped in that development stage and later become an "adult child." When this happens, many people, without knowing it, carry those unexpressed emotions into each subsequent stage. This future adult will then have an emotionally wounded child, and this will affect his life decisions, his beliefs, his interpersonal relationships, and above all, his well-being.
On the contrary, the needs that are met will serve as a primordial and essential base in our lives, giving us strength and power, two critical aspects of facing life. Through this needs coverage, we achieve what Erik Erikson called "the four forces": hope, will, doubt, and purpose. These forces necessary for a healthy childhood will give the child autonomy, power of being and doing, identity, and confidence.
Interpersonal relationships will also depend on what we have experienced at each stage of our development and whether we have met our basic needs.
The wounded child manifests itself in adult life in various ways, especially in the repetition of patterns and the quality of interpersonal relationships. It also manifests in certain psychic behaviors that the person may believe to be very personal but that, in reality, do not correspond to his current age. For example, letting a child make adult decisions will not have the expected result. The same happens with an adult who carries a wounded child.
Healing the wounded child is a process that requires work, but if you manage to do it, you will be able to rediscover that power and strength that you once had or perhaps finally be able to have it to face life. Remember that this child will accompany you for the rest of your life. You must have it close so that you do not forget the secrets of life only children know and adults forget. Healing is a mourning of that childhood, of those people involved, and of that child who did what he could with the only emotional resources he had.
Author: Estefanía Cultrera-Elfring
Bibliography:
- [JOHN BRADSHAW]; "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing the Inner Child"; 1990.
- [Erik H. Erickson]; "Childhood and society," 2009 Edition.
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