One characteristic of a person who suffered emotional wounds during childhood is codependency. In codependency, there is a loss of identity and a disconnection with our deepest desires. Self-esteem goes hand in hand with this emotional problem. A codependent person pays more attention to the esteem of others than to their own; they lose their internal sense of self. Self-esteem, precisely, is not generated from the outside but from within.
A toxic or dysfunctional family environment does not allow a child to develop a sense of security and confidence, the most essential pillars of a child's emotional development. The emotional intelligence they develop during childhood will have repercussions in their adult life, and they will need positive parental models. A child exposed to violence, abuse, or situations that cause repeated stress will seek to adapt to their internal environment, creating patterns and behaviors that will last over time. In addition, in this adaptation, for his survival, he will look for those models he does not have on the outside, creating esteem that depends on others or something outside of him. In this way, he will also build false beliefs about his identity.
The behaviors that the child will develop in childhood and later in adulthood will originate in that initial trauma that shaped his internal environment. We experience trauma when we live in a situation with such intensity that it causes fear and insecurity (especially in the case of a child who does not yet have specific capacities or resources to face the problem). In general, we say that when a person suffers a trauma, he experiences it with a sense of loneliness, shame, and guilt. As time passes, the feelings and thoughts generated by that intensely lived situation will take root in beliefs that are difficult to transform. That is why it is so important to address that trauma from its origin, taking into consideration the family environment as the primary connection to those acquired beliefs.
We must not forget that when a child lives in stressful or traumatic situations around a toxic family environment, he will blame not precisely the parents or the environment but himself. Traumatic and stressful situations will also affect the development of their self-esteem.
Author: Estefanía Cultrera-Elfring
Bibliography:
- [JOHN BRADSHAW]; "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing the Inner Child"; 1990.
- Childhood Trauma and Codependency: Is There a Link?; Medically reviewed by Matthew Boland, PhD — By Karen Sosnoski, PhD — Updated on September 30, 2021; https://psychcentral.com/lib/trauma-and-codependency
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